Wednesday, 31 December 2014

365/365

It's the 31st of December 2014.
The fact that 2015 is just a few hours away is totally unbelievable.
I went back to my last post in 2013 (before 2014 started) and I'm so glad to know that 2013 was a great year too, just as 2014 of course - or maybe even better
I guess it is probably the most fulfilling year thus far because I had a long long break before University started so I could try out whatever I want to do in life - a couple of "life milestones" (is that what it's called or am i using the word too loosely? Oops) which could be nothing big to many but something which I hold close to my heart.
Don't have a habit to set resolutions for the year ahead but I love to recap my past year because I learnt so much in 365 days and of course, I think I've changed too - grew stronger mentally. Let's go! #throwbackinayear


JANUARY 2014

Was still in poly back in January. Speaking of it, I miss NP!!
I guess the most memorable event is joining OH, as a representative of HLFM!
Though that wasn't my first OH, i had fun talking about my course and of course, NP in general. Not to mention the fun I had with one of the girls from REB to get the goodie bag! Also, it was my most fulfilling OH Duty because I got to speak with my lecturers and parents whom, in one way or another, affected my decision to pursue a degree. :)



FEBRUARY 2014

CNY 2014 in February. This year was a tad bit different & special because Aunt & Uncle came to visit to celebrate this joyous festival! Honestly speaking, CNY is my favorite festival, more than Christmas! We had hell lot of fun at USS and having steamboat together as a big big family. Such a pity Granny couldn't join us.. but i'm sure she is spiritually there with us, forever and always x 
In the same month, I decided to go back to Yoga with one of my girlfriends. 
Started Yoga back when I was 11 and stopped because I thought it was too slow and boring. So it was a good 5-6 years break before i went back to the mat. Ah how much I enjoy it now as compared to those younger days. Plus I've a friend with me, so that's a bonus! x 
I would say one of my resolutions for 2015 is to go for hot yoga classes \




MARCH 2014

In March, I made the decision to join OTC as an instructor, one of the "milestones" in 2014. Honestly, I've always wanted to do so ever since I graduated back in 2010 but "blue pegasus" always haunt me plus the level of commitment is high and I wasn't ready to commit. Finally joined because I felt that it was the BEST time to do so, with no school and flexible work commitment. It was a span of 3 months and it was that 3 months when I've learnt so much more about life. Time management especially. It wasn't just another course nor another camp, it's a phase in life that will change you, to  a better person.
And at the same time, it was also during this period that I decided that enough is enough, i should not let negativity eat into me. The day when the trainees graduated, I, too, graduated mentally. For that, I'm very thankful x



In the same month, I joined NAPFA with my girls and had.. lots of fun? HAHAHA
I guess that was one kind of a experience because none of us are athletics nor into sports, we just went so that it looked better in our transcripts - also to note that my last NAPFA test was a good four years ago. 
Most fun was when we took photos after our 2.4km run, which unfortunately, we didn't complete HAHA. omg I miss the clique so so much, can't wait to see them on Saturday :)







APRIL 2014

A month later, I had new experience in teaching - and probably also out of my comfort zone from teaching the usual life skills. 
It was my virgin experience teaching Speech & Drama for lower primary kids. 
I wouldn't say the journey was a bed of roses & I did have my ups and downs with this lovely bunch. Obviously I couldn't tell them to run the field nor do 10 push up when they misbehave. It was.. tough and I was always dreading Fridays. I had the thoughts of giving up but thankfully, I didn't. When i watched their final performance, I was so touched. But this experience also let me know that I'm not suited to be a primary school teacher. #goodthingabouteventsjobs




MAY 2014

Fast forward a month later, I had my graduation ceremony! *another milestone* It's something that I dared not dream about ever since I decided to transfer course. I've always wondered (till today) where I would be if I chose to stay on. Would i be working? Would i have gotten my diploma? Or maybe in a private school? I don't know, and i guess it no longer matters too. The Clique is my best takeaway in the entire 4 years of my poly journey. I guess I made the right choice of sitting with them on the first day of school ;) They've been with me through all the crazy projects, staying up late for assignments, in Wuhan for 6 weeks etc. 
NP will forever have a special place in my heart, x. It's not just a school, not just a polytechnic. It's a place where I (get $6 sashimi platter HAHAHA) got my opportunities, it's a place where I made genuine friends, a place close to my heart. 


JUNE 2014

Back in February, the committee started on planning for THE Camp in June.
Finally took on this event after being on hiatus for a couple of years. Benefits of having no school/work = doing everything you wish at your own pace ;)
No doubt, every event is unique and every learning experience isn't the same.
But i dared to say, throughout my officership, I've learnt the most during this event.
I had the best mentor and role model - one who never doubt our abilities, one who allowed us to express our opinions freely, giving advice as and when necessary. It could be just a 3D2N Camp, but we used 3 months to plan for it. No regrets. There, the vicious cycle continues again soon, in less than 60 days.


Had a couple of days to rest after the camp before I started another event job.
Not a stranger job though, I worked for them about 2-3 years ago. Chanced upon their recruitment ad on Facebook and of course i applied! Thankfully I did.
The PIC came back with the job offer and it's the most amazing event experience I've gotten - sort of a milestone in my event experience :) #goodthingabouteventsjobs
It's different managing fellow staff and cadets - a totally virgin experience for me and my co-partner and i could never do without her who's better at numbers and admin job than I do. I can never get those numbers right and everyday during strength report, i would be like.. damn, help, it doesn't tally.
That batch was so wonderful and I'm so thankful that the BEST team made my experience nothing short of amazing. :)

After the event, had a good rest and before I could pay back my sleep debt, The Family flew over to Penang and had a good one-week of feasting & catching up with my cousins. <3
Albeit having an age gap plus all boys, we never fail to have fun together and reminiscing those younger days we had playing at the playground near my Gran's. I miss those times when we can stay up to a month at her place and accompany her for Taiji classes. As cliché as it might sound, Power of 6 will always be power of 6, no matter how old we get xxx
#loveatbraverytravels



Not long after my trip, we had service & CAA award ceremony.
I don't even remember when was the last ceremony I attended. Maybe during my cadet days. Time flies, it's my 8th year in this organization. No doubt, it's a positive and enriching experience, if not i don't think i'll stay for this long, maybe for the sake of the people too. I can never imagine my life without SJ because it's a part of me and something I would not give up easily. Maybe i've not reached the age whereby I could no longer be as active but we shall see, in years to come. ;) And did I mention that #themostcharmingVP had left the school?! /cries




JULY 2014

In July, I attended my 6th NDP show, live. 
Wow, it's been 6 years, okay..
Honestly speaking, the parade is always the one I look forward to most so i can't really comment much on the performance because by the time the parade ends, I'm always too overwhelmed and tired. HAHAHA. People say the parade is the same every year so there's nothing much to talk about but whenever i look at them, i see the sweat and effort they've put in for that 30 mins of glory. That shouting, that sweat, the burning of Saturdays for three months. All those for our eyes, for 30 minutes on that stage. Looking forward to watching it in National Stadium rly soon!!













Second trip to BKK and it's nothing short of amazing :D
Now i know why Singaporeans love BKK in general.
Nice people, yummy food and cheap stuff - land of smiles :) 
Best part was, I went with a friend whom I knew less than a month!! Talk about #YOLO. 
Totally missing the land now! Planning to visit in 2015!! /yay
#landofsmilestrippin
#lovetabraverytravels




Another event job after BKK Trip.
Probably visited all of Singapore's cultural places in 48 hours.
It was nice bringing the kids around, taking the Singapore River Cruise for free, having fun with them and visiting Pulau Ubin after so long!
:) #goodthingabouteventsjobs




AUGUST 2014

Another milestone in August - in fact, the biggest one in 2014!!
I still remember that day when I received the acceptance email and I teared a little before i whatsapp mom the good news. Frankly, I didn't expect to get accepted because i graduated with a cGPA of below 3.5. So I'm very grateful to NTU! I wouldn't deny that it isn't exactly the degree I want to pursue but at the very least, I feel glad that i'm one step closer to be able to fulfill my parents' wish of me being a graduate. No matter how tough, I will remind myself of what happened 4 years back -- and know what? I would never want to experience that feeling again. It's not a matter of the worth but more of how much i want this, for myself - and my parents. So hang tough! 4 years will be gone before i know it!

PS/ I miraculously passed my semester 1 exams!!! It's not the most satisfactory results but good enough for someone (like me) who has NO Lit background, no idea what a thesis statement is, how to craft an argument neither do I have a flair in writing. Now i just have to work hard towards Exchange! It's probably my only wish in University hahaha.






That weekend before school officially started, it was POP!
I guess it's the event I looked forward to most ever since I started planning. It was, no doubt, the longest event ever. Tiring, but the sense of satisfaction is beyond words. 








SEPTEMBER 2014

Yay, it's the clique's mini getaway in September! 
Our graduation trip didn't materialize but I guess a short trip kind of made up for it :) 
Planned for quite a while before we settled all the stuff for Batam.
Damn, always fun with this group especially water bicycle ;)
It's amazing to travel with the same people more than once. When we travel for the first time, we will get to know one another more, all the bad habits, attitude and what's not. But what's more precious is that we chose to compromise and accept one another for who they are. True experience here,  because i've drifted apart from friends whom I travelled with. After the trip, it was as though we are no longer friends. So i particularly treasure this group whom I can travel with and be absolutely crazy!
Really hope we can travel together again soon x 


The same month - I turned 21!!!
I wouldn't consider this as a milestone because i feel the same - life goes on as how it is when I was 20. No difference but i'm still thankful for all the love and best wishes, x. 




OCTOBER 2014

Halloween month!!!! 
It's my virgin halloween night and I'm so glad I spent it with 1/2 of The Clique! I always wondered why would people spend such money to get scare the entire night. But i guess it's the fun when you're together with your friends! A pity that the rest couldn't join us. Right after our fun/scary night, we had plans to book a room so we can crash right after Halloween 2015! Looking forward x 





A week or two after Halloween, The Clique gathered for BBQ at my second crib!!!
It's most likely my first and last time using the pit HAHAHA.
Eventful night, I would say :D
We had SO MUCH food that we couldn't finish and had to throw away :( 
The cooking of corn was exceptionally fun + the MeiPai video hahaha omg wish i could share it here!
Hopefully there'll be a next BBQ x 


NOVEMBER 2014

My first photo with my tutorial class!! :) 
We are cool because we're almost an all-girls class /insert emoji with shades/
I think it's hard to spot my tutor here though, he kind of.. blended in. HAHA
Tutorial classes were much more fun because of the girls and I'll always remember the 'interview ' with the tutor on our last tutorial ;)





Virgin staycation during recess week. The infinity pool was amazing!
Definitely not a pool for people to really swim but the view is major love. x 
What's better than waking up to that beautiful scenery? ;) 


DECEMBER 2014

Last chapter of the year kicked start with the end of my first university exams!! 
Writing essays after essays and reading novels after novels - no joke at all but i'm so glad it's over :D
Right after the exams, I worked for the same event as in June. 
Same same event but different experience - with a different partner and different team. And we were on CNA! MY BOSSES ARE HOT, hahaha. And and i'm so so thankful to the people from the EC!! They were so lovely & of wonderful help throughout the 6 days especially with the food HAHA #justkidding. Can't wait to receive more photos! 


Just a couple of weeks ago, went for a round of Escape Hunt with the second family. 
It was hell of a crazy night and we only ended the night at 1+ ;)

"Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. " 

-Unknown


FINALLY went for Lasik the following week! 
It's my BEST decision this year so I would dedicate a post specially for this life-changing procedure. I'm spectacle and lens-free after 10 years; YES!!!!!!


The same week which I went for Lasik, it's The Family's mini getaway to Batam!
Albeit a short trip, we had lots of fun and it's definitely enjoyable whenever I'm with them.
Planning our next getaway xxx


"You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy. "
-Garth Brooks


I guess this sums up my 365 days in 2014. 

2014 has been a bittersweet year. Throughout the year, other than those happy memories which I've jotted down above, I battled with insecurity, sensitivity and low-esteem. I read my own Dayre to find out that majority of the posts are sad, really sad. Good thing is, I no longer remember the content of those posts. All those emotions took quite a toll on my life. There was a point when I decided that enough is enough, i can't be feeling that way FOREVER.

So I made the decision to delete all sort of things/ people who bring negativity into my life. Unfortunately or fortunately,  there's only one person who made me feel that way and indeed,  she WAS  a very good friend. Not close friend - but good. In my recollection, she was a very " steady" friend who wasn't fussy nor calculative. We worked together and had our share of fun together. Pretty nostalgic, i must say. It's a pity things turn sour but I got to admit that the problem lies with ME. I felt so inferior whenever I'm with her. She's forever better than me in all aspects, except maybe for once 6 years ago. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe I'm petty, maybe I'm a disgusting bitch that I can't stand to see her better than me - whatever it is, i don't know but i DO know that my confidence and esteem hit rock bottom at one point because of her existence. I cried myself to bed every night thinking of it, I got dizzy and nauseous whenever I have to face her. One day, I told myself, she NEEDS to get out of my life. Nobody has the right to snatch my smile away. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) NOBODY. And so, I did. I stopped asking her to join me for this and that, I stopped telling her about my eye candies, bascially, I removed her from my life. It was hurtful and no doubt, she's innocent. I could be childish but I got to do something for MYSELF. She's still a friend though, but things are way better now. :) We still talk, bitch and work together but I don't feel that way anymore. Positivity. :)

Social media. I cut away from Twitter in early 2013. Friends asked why I no longer tweet. And i simply replied that I'm too lazy, and it's uninteresting to only have 130 characters etc. But the truth is, I took everyone's tweets too seriously and I started being sensitive. Whenever ABC tweets something negative about XYZ, I assumed XYZ is.. me when in actual fact, I have not even spoke to that person for ages, or maybe we were only acquaintance. Whenever someone gossip, I feel that they're directing that tweet to me. And there, i'll be thinking about it for days and unable to sleep peacefully at night. I became so sensitive and unreasonably suspicious of the words people say. Even when friends talk amongst themselves in a group, I felt as if they were gossiping about me. That was how damaging 130 characters were, to my mental state. After I stopped tweeting, I deleted that app from my mobile. It took me an entire year to "recover " from that paranoid state and to TEACH myself that what others say, doesn't matter at all. It's their opinions, not mine. Through this, bit by bit, I gained strength & I no longer fear. Of course, I still care about others' opinions from time to time and i still AM paranoid sometimes but it's no longer personal. I'll only listen for the sake of improving myself. Finally, escaping reality shouldn't be a form of solution, so I installed twitter back when i felt that I was ready, checking it occasionally and even a couple of tweets when I feel like it. Positivity. :)

The last month of 2014 has been in turmoil too. 
I got a news which caused me to cry for a good 15 minutes on the bus while on the way to work. Surprisingly, I wasn't affected for long though. I did not cry for the next days, nor was i upset. I wouldn't say I felt nothing at all  but all i could say is, I'm at peace with myself. :) 

Also, finally, I told my close girlfriend how I felt. I was in dilemma for quite a while plus i felt that as close friends for so many years, we should accept each other for who we are. Instead of cold war, I finally told her because I think it would be an "obstacle " in our friendship should i choose to just let it go. I was so afraid that after saying it, it would affect our friendship. But no, it didn't because.. there wasn't even a response. Should i be feeling disappointed? Should i be giving up? Should i let it go? I don't know and I hope I'll know in time to come and Hopefully this "incident " would strengthen our friendship x

2014 also taught me that FAMILY will always be the one who has my back, be it good or bad - nobody will get left behind and they'll never move forward without pulling me along. I remember I vowed to put family as TOP priority after my Gran's death. Her death, albeit years ago, taught me that I can never have a second chance with my family members if i let go of that opportunity. So I'm proud that till this day, I've labeled Sundays as family day and it's compulsory for us to have dinner together and catch up with one another. No other matters should be more important than that - not even making money, not even school. 

And in 2014, I'm specially thankful to Papa Lim. More than just thankful, rather, I think I must have been a very good person in my previous life to earn enough karma points to have him in my present life. Though I don't confide in him as i did with Mama, I can sense his love for three of us and I'm truly grateful. When I first broke the news to him that I got into NTU, I can see the pride in his eyes despite him not saying anything much. Yes, it's no big deal to many out there but it's a BIG deal to him because he wants me to be a graduate, find a good job, and have a bright future ahead. Long long time ago, he wanted me to be a college student but i refused and chose polytechnic instead. Grandmother story. He didn't reprimand me when I failed in my choice and had to waste another year of his money to get my Diploma. So this time, I hope I can do him proud. Though there's still a long way to go, he said he's looking forward to my graduation and will definitely attend no matter what. Boy, I was so happy when i heard that. He has NEVER attended any of our school ceremonies, even my diploma convocation. He's a big part why i'm holding on strong till today though I swear writing essay isn't really my thing. ;)

During the period when I was moving in to Hall, both Mama and Papa Lim helped me with it and Papa Lim never fails to drive me to and fro so that I won't have to carry those bulky items and squeeze with people in public transport. He never did complain when I chose to apply for Hall although he knew that it was expensive - at least for my family financial situation and for the fact that I don't stay THAT FAR from school. Though I'm paying it out of my own pocket, I'm grateful that he never ever disallow me to do anything for the reason of "it's too expensive." I remember I was discussing with them with regards to Hall stay and he told me to go ahead as long as it's beneficial for me. I told them I'll only stay for 2 months just for the sake of experiencing Hall life. He was the one who told me to stay for a year since I might not get it again in Year2. When I'm experiencing homesickness, he would come and drive me home just so I could sleep on my own bed and chat with my mom. He even told me to return home everyday and use Hall room as a "spare " so I could rest during long breaks and maybe for convenience sake whenever I feel like it. He offered to pay for it knowing that I'm not holding a permanent PT Job and does not have fixed income. He would be happy to treat me to Starbucks but he won't bear to buy one for himself for it's such an expensive coffee. And the list goes on, not even sure if it would ever end. He never fails to give us ALL he could, bringing us to eat whatever we want and AT LEAST one family trip every year. He might not earn much - but what he gives us, is unconditional love which is priceless. x 

Of course, my Mama Lim who's my pillar of strength since 21 years ago. Again, I must have earned uncountable Karma points to have her in this life. Always so selfless when it comes to our stuff. Accompanying me to get my goods no matter how far the places are, meeting up with my customers, going around to get novels which I need for school, listening to my whines about the same thing over and over again, cooking our favorite dishes though she doesn't quite like cooking etc.  She even offered to pay for my BKK trip (hotel and flight) as my 21st birthday gift just so I wouldn't be broke when I'm back. We had our fair share of quarrels which will never go on for more than a day.  I love to hold on to her hand even in public, and would want the entire universe to know that she's my mommy. I will always hold on to her hand till forever. She's the happiest pill at home and she made me who I am, today x 

When the clock strikes 12 tonight, it would be 1st January 2015 aka Mama's birthday. 
I wish her abundant happiness and love, great health & 生日快乐,我最爱开心果! 



Thank YOU, 2014, for being such a fulfilling year, for allowing me to learn so much, for making me a better me. It's been amazing but here's to a more wonderful 2015 ahead xoxo


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